When bloggers go brewing
Brewer arrives at brewery. Mashes in.
An hour later, Blogger phones to ask for a lift from the railway station. Brewer picks up blogger. Brewer takes photo of blogger outside the brewery so that blogger can tweet a pic: “OMG!! It’s #brewday!!!!”
Sandwich van pulls up outside. Blogger buys a bacon sandwich. Brewer explains he had his breakfast at six-thirty this morning. At breakfast-time.
Brewer begins run-off. Blogger is asked to weigh out hops. Blogger wears two pairs of gloves, mispronounces Citra and declares is to be “really fruity”.
Brewer runs checks on other beers, answers sales calls, checks invoices, chases payments, moves casks. Blogger wanders around the brewery trying to find a 3G signal.
Run-off complete, mash tun is ready to be dug out. Brewer takes photo of Blogger holding a spade. Blogger rushes off to post it to Facebook / Twitter / Google + / Flickr / tumblr / MySpace / Geocities. By the time Blogger has finished, Brewer has dug out and cleaned up the mash tun.
Hops are ready to be added. Blogger dons the level of personal protective equipment usually worn by the emergency services at a chemical spill. Blogger drops the hops onto the floor as he’s too busy gurning for the camera.
Lunchtime. Brewer presents Blogger with a selection of sandwiches, pork pie, crisps, and cake. Brewer only has time to eat an apple.
Brewer asks Blogger if he’d like a drink. Blogger asks for a sample drawn from each FV into stemmed glassware, plus a bottle of ‘anything special’ that’s lurking in the kitchen area. Brewer only intended mashing a pot of tea. Blogger then spends thirty minutes holding stemmed glasses up to the light in order to take ‘artistic’ pictures. Brewer carries on cleaning.
Wort is transferred. Brewer has no intention of risking Blogger sneezing in the yeast so doesn’t ask for assistance. Blogger is too busy punching the air as he makes it to level eleventy of CityVille.
Brewer cleans the vessel exteriors, the roller door, the floor. Blogger drops a glass of beer onto the floor whilst trying to tweet a picture of it. Brewer thinks of boiling water, corrosive chemicals, high-pressure gases, sharp implements, confined spaces, moving vehicles and electrical current.
Brewer considers introducing Blogger to the inherent danger of “mixed hazards”…